The Big Question

I have been involved in Jewish Education for over 20 years and I have spent a number of those years having a circular conversation with parents.  I have seen countless parents struggle with their post Bar or Bat Mitzvah child over “The Big Decision.”  Do I continue my Jewish education or do I drop out of the synagogue school?  Every year, unlike other secular educational endeavors, the conversation about “continuing on” is reopened.  Here are some comments I have heard from parents and my reactions to these comments.

“It is totally up to you Susie – It is your decision”

A big decision – my Jewish future – for a 13 year old!  Ask yourself, if you are about to say this to your child, is it really their decision?  Are they capable of making this decision or should you make it for them?  As parents, we make decisions all the time for our Middle School kids - why not include continuing their Jewish education as one more decision that we need to make?  Making Jewish education optional, in any way, makes a clear statement to the child that it is not relevant, not important and gives the child a clear indication of your priorities. 

“Rabbi, it needs to be fun or I can’t get David to go”

Teens love debate and grappling with tough issues and concerns.  They love to talk about issues that are important to them and they love to have that conversation with their peers and with knowledgeable adults.  Let’s stop underestimating them. Ask them what they are learning about, what are some of the questions they have, what new things have they discovered?  Ask them if they have made any new friends but don’t ask them if it is fun.

“Jeremy, you don’t have to go if you don’t want to go”

What?  If you want them to be a part of the Jewish People, then isn’t continuing with a lifetime of Jewish learning part of the deal?  Should they miss soccer practice?  They made a commitment – they said “I want to be a part of the team!”  They made the same statement about Judaism when they celebrated their Bar or Bat Mitzvah.  Give them the message early on that signing up for the team means they have to carry out their part – the future of the Jewish people depends on it. 

Please share your comments